So I got a graphic tablet at the end of 2020, and my drawings have been almost exclusively digital since then. To make a long story short, this really expanded the scope of what I was willing to attempt, and over this year I've ventured into new depths of depravity. It's been overall exciting, though I've come to realize the extent to which I'm playing with fire, so to speak. Perhaps I'll go into that in more detail later.
Anyway, the year hasn't been as productive as I'd have liked. I chased fetishism too far, started a lot of 'projects' which were overly ambitious for my skillset, and diligent practice fell by the wayside. All the same, I think it's been a needed learning experience. I've never had a hobby quite like this one. I don't really know my best modes of operation, and this year was nothing if not experimental.
With regards to technical things, there's almost too much to talk about, so I'm not going to get overly specific. The transition to the tablet initially came with some frustrations. I felt I'd lost a lot of rudimentary control, couldn't seem to make anything look acceptable. It's a different medium, really. I had to relearn a lot, on top of all the entirely new factors to consider.
So here's theoretically my best work this year. At least, it's by far the most detailed thing I've ever done, and I spent the most time on it. Whether or not it was really worth it I'm not sure, but this encapsulates the theme of the year very well, so rather than ramble about all of my misadventures I'll just focus on this one.
So what was the idea here? Well, I had been dabbling in lazy transformation sequences for a while, usually not spending more than a single day on any given one. I threw one of these onto pixiv and was pretty surprised by the attention it got. Not that it was remotely appreciable in the grand scheme of things, but I was bitten by something. A desire to do better. To see if I could get several hundred bookmarks instead of 50, etc.
So this was to be a higher effort image set. I would spend maybe a week instead of a single day, and try some coloring. I also wanted to produce some kind of 'landmark' work for myself. Something that would flex all the skills I'd developed thus far. What I actually did was dive into a lot of things I had very little experience with. Looking back, the extent to which I overreached is pretty clear and ridiculous, but I didn't see it then. Nor did I learn my lesson immediately. I actually started several similar projects before finally taking a step back and realizing the absurdity of what I was doing.
Then I fell into a kind of slump, having lost my direction. I also blundered into creative writing as a side effect of the overly elaborate image sets I'd been working on, and this consumed me for a few weeks. Honestly, I can't even put into words the initial feeling. My mental state at the time was unlike anything I'd ever dealt with before. I don't think I've ever been so rapidly drained of sanity. Every paragraph I wrote would take an unholy toll on me, plunging me further into that strange creative hell.
And I haven't even fully recovered! I'm still writing, but at least now I'm enjoying it, and I feel mostly sane. It's actually extremely exciting. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Too bad it's a brand of depravity that only sewer mutants could abide, so I'll probably never show it to anyone.
Anyway, where are things at now? I've re-stabilized. I'm drawing inklings a lot. I love them. I wanted to complete Inktober for once, drawing an inkling every day, but the creative writing spell that pervaded most of the month ruined any hope of that. Still, I think I'll just continue with that plan regardless. Nice, simple drawings of inklings. Once they're done I'll go back and visit some crazy fetishism upon them, giving some closure to this year's numerous unfinished projects. That should round things out. After that I think I have a pretty clear idea of how to proceed.
If all goes well I think I'll write another entry around the end of the year. I thought I'd write more this time, but most of my issues are so personal and strange that I'm at a loss as to how to describe them. Life as a perverted maniac is unendingly complicated, but I'm cannibalizing my weaknesses into strengths. Or something.
